when i was like 6 years old i thought that the rule in chinese restaurants was you had to eat everything with chopsticks and i mean everything so it came to dessert and i got some ice cream and started eating it with chopsticks and all these asian people were staring at me with jaws dropped and when i’d finished i got a fucking round of applause i shit you not
one time my parents were gone for the weekend
so i took everything in the house and moved it five inches to the left.
it was subtle enough that it wasn’t obvious but they felt like something was off when they got back
and they kept bumping into the corners of tables and couches
i am a cruel man
Opinions are like orgasms. Mine’s more important and I dont care if you have one.
okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting
and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so fucking happy
there was this girl at my school last year and she fucked literally every black guy at my school and people called her the night rider so she moved
Why should i care anymore when no one else does
i’m going to bed because i have work all day tomorrow
i’m either gonna cry or snap someone’s neck so i need all the sleep i can get
Is someone sexually frustrated? :p
i don’t… think so?
i just think my brain short-circuited because of hockey on tv haha
taylor pyatt is so fucking attractive i don’t