soloontherocks:

iwannaforgettheworld:

senpaiexpress:

the-darkmortaldevices:

gallifrey-feels:

mellieforyellie:

scarvenrot:

mooneymannyinthesky:

yukitalia:

8oo:

youregoingtolovemynuts:

dysphorism:

I am still thinking about this

Actually, the fruit of a tree is technically a reproductive organ, since it holds the tree’s seeds and all.
So, it wouldnt be cannabalism, you’d kinda be feeding them their own semen.

I’VE BEEN DRINKING APPLE CUM??



okay now i’ll reblog it

sorry I just wanted to point out that since fruit hold the seeds/ovules they’re technically ovaries and so you’re not drinking apple cum you’re drinking ovary blood
apple semen would be pollen from apple trees and it would just be powdery and awful

You’re really passionate about apples

Actually since fruit is fertilized eggs, you’re drinking liquefied apple fetus.

liquefied apple fetus.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WORSE, APPLE PERIOD BLOOD, APPLE SEMEN OR LIQUEFIED APPLE FETUSES.

Can we just talk about this post for a moment…

HOW DOES THIS KEEP GETTING WORSE

my-name-is-hilarious:

when i was like 6 years old i thought that the rule in chinese restaurants was you had to eat everything with chopsticks and i mean everything so it came to dessert and i got some ice cream and started eating it with chopsticks and all these asian people were staring at me with jaws dropped and when i’d finished i got a fucking round of applause i shit you not

lovelettersfromhogwarts:

i-have-the-suds:

one time my parents were gone for the weekend

so i took everything in the house and moved it five inches to the left.

it was subtle enough that it wasn’t obvious but they felt like something was off when they got back

and they kept bumping into the corners of tables and couches

i am a cruel man

image

stayy0ungandwild:

Opinions are like orgasms. Mine’s more important and I dont care if you have one.

e-zekiel:

okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too

but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time

and then another person fell

and another

and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting

and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so fucking happy

castleismyoneanddone:

fuckyeahalo:

sweetlysoursounds:

I CAN’T BREATHE

This man

nathan bby you have 30k+ notes omg dying

Ryan Jones not taking your homophobic bullshit.

dietchola:

there was this girl at my school last year and she fucked literally every black guy at my school and people called her the night rider so she moved

july 4th, 1776

britain: wHOA i just lost 13 followers wtf

Why should i care anymore when no one else does

wallywestagon:

oldatheart:

fweeble:

gryphynshadow:

littlemissbatterwitch:

clothoboorocracy:

stormybabe:

I have to say this is completely legit - someone tried to steal her handbag and she simply went “Fuck this- *suplex*”

My hero

someone teach me this pweeze-ooc

Ok Ladies, here’s the info on this move.
We are blessed with a low center of gravity. This means that when we get ahold of someone and tip over backward like that, it’s easy peasy for us to do. Especially on a guy. Think of it like a fulcum and lever: they’re the lever, we’re the fulcrum, and because their center of gravity is up in their chest, instead of in their pelvis, when we get down low and lean back, whupsy there they tip right over.
Now, here’s the real deal on that particular move. Check out how this gif end, with the guy’s head on the floor like that? How his torso seems straight up and down, his head and neck on the floor, all his body weight and the momentum of having been tossed over her shoulder?
Yeah, he’s pretty messed up from that. In the really real world, if you do that move correctly, toss your whole body into it, seriously oomph it up and give that mugger a throw, you can snap his neck.
All that said, here’s how you do it!
This is something you do fast, ladies. Move quickly and with assurance, and don’t worry about whether you’re strong enough to do it or not: you are. This is about physics, not muscle.
Get low, bend your knees and hips. Our strength is largly concentrated in our lower bodies, and when we put our knees and thighs into a move, we bring some of the largest muscles in the human body to bear. You’d be surprised what you can move with your legs.
When she got low on him, her right arm was around his waist, her shoulder roughly at or under his ass, her left arm wrapped around his left leg. Feet shoulder width apart for a nice stable base, big deep breath in, and lift just a bit while falling backwards. It doesn’t take much strength but it will really mess with the dude’s day. Landing on your head will at the very very least knock you silly for a minute.
Interestingly, we can use these same basic principles to ruin a guy’s day if he’s the one to grab us! Imagine, if you will, mugger dude runs up behind you and bear hugs you in preparation for dragging you into the alley. Scary, right? Yep.
If he lifts you too fast, and you find your feet off the ground, kick him in the shins, scrape your shoes down his legs, aim for the knees and his feet. Toss your head back and head butt him. Bite him. Squirm. Do what it takes to get your feet back on the ground.
Feet on the ground, grab his arms and hold on to them. Don’t let him get away, because this move, ladies, will put him down and out, and if he moves away he may go for a distance weapon, or start using his fists. Hold onto his arms and keep him in close.
Again, feet shoulder width apart. Use your booty and hips now, like you’re trying to hit his not-so-manly bits with your ass, get your hips back, bend your knees and flex your hips. If he’s shortish, you should at this point have picked him up and be balancing him on your back. If he’s tall, you’re now in position to put a crimp in his style in a big way.
Tuck your head to your chest and roll forward, just like you did when you were a kid. Flip yourself forward and let gravity do the rest. You will have your head tucked down, aiming to land on the upper back of one shoulder; he won’t. This means he’ll land on his face, with the full force of his own body weight behind it as well as any momentum you’ve built up. You may very well land on top of him too.
From here, get up, run like hell towards a light source while yelling “help, fire, call 911 (or whatever emergency services number exists in your country)”
Remember, ladies, with just a little understanding of comparative anatomy and physics, you too can put a man on the ground and seriously mess up his day. But then, that’s what he was planning to do to you, so fair’s fair.

Reblogging again because of Gryphyn’s awesome comment. C:

THIS IS AWESOME.

thank

i’m going to bed because i have work all day tomorrow

i’m either gonna cry or snap someone’s neck so i need all the sleep i can get

Is someone sexually frustrated? :p

i don’t… think so?

i just think my brain short-circuited because of hockey on tv haha

taylor pyatt is so fucking attractive i don’t

ugh